Whod you bang
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
