I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
