If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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