If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
