; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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