margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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