dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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