Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
