Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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