Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this will be a night to untag.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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