I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
