it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
