Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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