dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
