i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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