a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
