when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
