Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
