Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
