My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
