I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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