Who did Billy Mays play for?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
