hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
