im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
