I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
