My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
