I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
