11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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