champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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