We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
