and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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