I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
