Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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