I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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