Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
