Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
