Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
