my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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