It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
