I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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