suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
