is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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