So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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