Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm both gender and math confused
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
