I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he told me I talked like a deaf person
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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