i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
