Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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