New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am available for nakedness
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize