i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
