like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
