Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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