You're earring is so big in my mouth
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
