why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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