it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
