I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
