3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
