Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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