i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You smell like stripper and shame
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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