Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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