I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
