I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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