whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
