On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize