Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
