You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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