Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bring money and cleavage
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
