she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize