You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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