It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
