I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
