Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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