How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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