Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
