i jhust puked up my retainher.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
