Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
