If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
