no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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