tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
