He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
