Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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