I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
