We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
