Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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