we're blogging at a bar
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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